Why I Am A Conservative
July 31st, 2005 by GoldFalcon
“Why are you so hate filled?”
That’s the question I get alot from Liberal readers of this blog. What they really mean is “Why are you so intolerant to the Liberal point of view?” I recently responded in a comment and answered that question and a few others about me, here it is:
I am not tolerant in general because I know.
I know what it is like to be broke, not for days, but for years. I know what it is like to have to sleep on park benches, and school rooves, and underpasses, or just plain weeds or sidewalks. I know what addiction is like. I know how it feels to have the need of some chemical crawling up your spine and squeezing you so hard that you feel like your head is going to explode. I know how it feels to want that chemical so bad that you can’t speak or move. I know the single minded torture of addiction.
I know what violence is about. I know what its like to get my teeth knocked in, to have my skull beat against rocks, to have knives stuck in me. I know what it is like to hurt people, to make them cry, to hit them till they beg me to stop, then hit them some more. I know what it is like to have friends stabbed to death, bludgeoned to death, run over, shot and strangled.
I know what hopelessness is. I know what it feels like to be nothing, to be scared to talk to people because you haven’t brushed your teeth in a month; to not want to be in an enclosed space with people because your feet smell so bad people gag; to have worn the same clothes for a month; to not be able to get a job because you can’t wash yourself; to feel like this is all you’ll ever be; to starve because you haven’t eaten in a week.
I was a liberal then and I believed that I needed help. I voted for Democrats in hopes that they would pull me from my misery.
One day (still believing myself a liberal Democrat) I decided that I needed to change my life or die. I decided to change my life, and it worked. The American Dream may be some mythical concept to some, but I know that it’s true. I’m living proof.
I am not tolerant of Liberals because they say that I can’t happen, and that my story is a fairy tale. They say that the poor can’t make it in America, that the homeless have no chance, that the theory of upward mobility is a myth. That’s a lie. If I had continued to believe that lie I’d be dead.
I’m not tolerant of you because you soil the organization that literally saved my life. You say you doubt that I would volunteer or serve today if I had the chance. I tell you that I would gladly lay down my life for this country and for the Army because I owe them everything I am. They taught me how to contribute, how to serve, how to act, how to think.
I can’t think of any thing in my life that made me feel more proud as when I –former drug dealer, drug addict, homeless bum, and victim– had my Jump Wings slapped on me at Ft. Benning, GA with nobody laughing. I did it, and if I can so can anybody, but the only way I did it was through the U.S. Army.
The Army believed in me when no one else would, not even me, and took me in (though I only told them about my pot use, and lied about that). They saw value in me, made me a leader, made me a paratrooper, made me a man.
I’ll not see them slandered.
And I ‘ll never understand how a man who wore the same uniform as me can’t feel the same gratitude, the same sense of indebtedness, the same willingness –even eagerness– to serve as I feel.
I am ashamed today, not because of what I was in the past, but because I can no longer serve my Army today.
That’s why I’m not tolerant, Kevin.
Tracked back at Mudville
I’m speechless Brian. Since finding your site I’ve admired you and appreciated your supportive gestures to me. But who knew the extent of the trials you’ve overcome in your life. Without trying to sound sappy, that was an awesome posting.
I do not slander the Army, I tell the truth about certain people in the Army. This means that you do not get a “free ride” to say or do anything you want just because you once wore the uniform or even continue to wear the uniform. If you engage in politics (like that LT did that started all this) then that person is opening themselves up to the political debate. Just because he has “been there” does not mean squat about what he knows and does not know. So, lets seperate out the “Army” from those who are “in the Army”.
If you read my Blog regularly you will know that I campaign hard against the destruction of the Army that is going on today. You are young enough not to have gone through “cycles” but you are in the middle of one right now. I was a teenager when the Army was a carcass left behind after the Vietnam war however I joined anyway as it was my duty. I served for 9.5 years. The Army was made great by the policies of Reagan and Weinberger. They, along with people like General Powell, took the Army from the grave and brought it back to life. Part of that was that they did not send it into war unless they had 1) overwhelming force 2) an exit strategy and 3) Overwhelming public support. That is how they kept the Army together and made it a great institution in the spirit of the WWII Army.
This President and Secdef has killed it. Given your allegience to the Army you should be madder than heck that the President and SecDef have destroyed the institution that you loved and I loved so much. They ignored topic 1 and topic 2. They had topic 3 but because of their ineptness in 1 and 2 they have now lost 3.
As they went into this, I predicted that they would kill the all volunteer Army as you and I knew it… and they have as if they were right on queue. They are back to taking CAT 4s, they are lowering ASVAB standards, they are not kicking people out for weight and drug problems and they are evening starting to run people through OCS who would not have qualified 1 year ago (Reminiscent of the 90 day wonders). To top it all off, they are now asking to raise the enlistement age to 41.5 years old.
I loved the Army and I still love the Army as an institution but that does not mean I love everyone in it or the Commander in Chief. Why? they have ruined it. They have dismissed the counsel of a guy like GEN Powell, who is responsible for building up the Army, and took the advice of a Math Professor (Wolfowitz), who had never served a day in their life. Rumsfeld is senile and Bush believes he is on a crusade granted him by Christ himself.
Rather than focus the Army’s efforts on the War on Terrorism, they used the Army as their own little toy to take care of a personal feud. What is worse is that senior Army leaders played along because they are more interested in their 4 star career and their after Army career in the White House then they are about the troops.
There, that is why I post what I post. I know what a great Army is … I was in one.
GoldFalcon Knows…..
This is an awesome, personal experience posting on his road to Conservatism. I am always amazed by people I read about on blogs. Then when someone put’s themself out on a platter (like Brian just did), I realize what an easy time I have had in life. …
Hey Trooper,
That’s quite a life story and I have shared some of those experiences although not to the degree you have. In 1964, I was ex-army, sometime student, pre-hippie, wannabe beatnik in NYC when I got fed up with my miserable existence. I re-enlisted in Manhattan and requested duty back in my old unit, the 101st. I had to re-enter service as a private but thanks to an accepting Army and some hard soldiering on my part, two and a half years later I was a staff sergeant serving in Vietnam. Thanks to a grateful nation, I was able to return to college on the GI Bill and finally get a degree.
I have since spent most of my life marketing to the military so that I am routinely on Army installations and involved with “boots on the ground” units. Recently I was at Fort Bragg, Fort Polk, Fort Hood and Fort Bliss; next week I’ll be at Fort Knox and Fort Campbell. This past week I was at Fort Carson, Fort Riley and Fort Sill. I was in barracks, aid stations, division, brigade and battalion headquarters of infantry units and I can tell you that the people I encountered represent some of the sharpest, fittest soldiers I’ve ever seen in all my years on military installations. I saw no evidence of low morale anywhere I visited and trust me, I know the telltale signs of poor unit morale.
While I understand some of Kevin’s angst, these are different times from when he and I served and the requirements on our troops are indeed more stringent. However, with that wonderful resilience of young warriors called upon to give more than should ever be expected of them, our soldiers appear to be doing just fine. And while some of their civilian leadership may in fact be “chickenhawks” so was Franklin Roosevelt who led this country into and through the greatest war we’ve ever fought.
And while some of the military upper ranks may be perfumed princes of the Pentagon, far more of the officer corps are dedicated leaders who are looking out for the troops and determined to lead them effectively against our nation’s enemies. Yes, it’s tough to be pulling repeat tours in the combat zone, but for crying-out-loud, our fathers and grandfathers pulled much longer, UNBROKEN, tours in WWII. They were up to it and so are the troops of today.
So, Kevin, I know you have the best interest of the Army and the troops at heart, but I think you see a far more dire picture than the reality indicates. By the way, Kevin, I don’t think I’d call the SECDEF senile. That feisty old ex-fighter jock just might clean your clock.
Airborne!
Russ
Hooah. That’s it. That’s all I got. All I can say. I think it’s enough to show my support for your thoughts Brian.
CL
I do have this to add to Kevin’s point:
This week I lost an uncle. An uncle I never knew. Why? Because before I was born this man with so much talent, so much potential, so many options chose a life on the streets. Addicteed to “fill in the blank” he left his family 30 years ago for the last time became a transient homeless man. Moving from one shelter, one government sponsored or church sponsored facility to another. Moving from town to down living any where he could, doing what ever he could to get a few more bucks for another hit.
That man died last week while hitch hiking through Little Rock…hitching drunk as usual and stepping out on the highway and getting ran over by a tractor trailer.
For 30+ years my family tried to save him. For 30+ years my government tried to “save” him in their special way. But in the end he lived the life he wanted by not changhing things. And in the end that life killed him.
I am not a liberal. Nor am I a conservative. But what I am not is blind. Like Kevin I see things for what they are. And in the end no government nor any one else can do these things for people who will not do them for themselves. We can offer options. Provide opportunity. But we can not make people change.
And because he wouldn’t change, My uncle…Tommy Bertrand is dead…he lived as a homeless man moving from place to place…and he died as he lived.
CL
Son,
I never knew about so many of the things that you posted on your blogg. I knew after basic that you were so different and after AIT I was blown away. You were the man I had always wanted you to become and then some. Some of the things I may have hoped weren’t happening and now I know they were
what a eye opener.
I love my country and I know it is not a perfect country but compared to some others it is heaven on earth. I just got a letter from missionary friends in Vietnam and a 22 year old women was tortured because she was a christian and would not sign paper refuting her faith. Would I die for my country?
A better ? WHO WOULD NOT DIE FOR THEIR COUNTRY. I love you,son and oh yeah Kevin Our fore fathers bled and died so that we can say what we think that my friend is called freedom.
I’ve seen enough of Kevin to know that he is an unmitigated jackass. He’s consumed with hate borne of arrogance.
BUT: Do not be ashamed of the fact that you can no longer serve. I can’t, either. Never be ashamed of that which you cannot change. Frustration, well, I’m damn frustrated and I guess you are as well. But shame is a different issue. If I were a capable officer and resigned my commission to avoid doing what I signed up to do, then I’d feel shame…
Toni- Thanks for the kind words (and I thought you were supporting me). My life hasn’t been hard, it has just been my life. It has been instructive. I have no doubt that God exists, because my life has been exactly what it needed to be, when it needed to be that, in order to make me a better person. I have been who and what I have been so I could be who and what I’ve become.
Kevin- We disagree. I do not believe that the President and the SecDef have killed the Army. I was ecstatic when President Bush was elected because I was still serving. You could feel the morale on Ft. Bragg spike. I wholeheartedly agree with the President and the SecDef on the target, the time, the tactics and the troop levels.
There is that old story about the SEAL instructor who mounts a berm and places his hand above his brow, shielding his eyes, looking out over the ocean. His eyes scan back and forth, searching the horizon line. His shivering trainees are mystified.
“Does anybody know what I’m looking for?” he asks.
Silence.
“I’m looking for a war.”
Airborne.
Russ - “All The Way”. Thanks for dropping by my little blog. I am heartened to hear another success story and glad to know that you still view your service with pride. (You write darned good poetry too).
Chris- I am truly sorry to hear about your uncle. What I found out (and why I divorced the Democrats) was that only I could help myself. My parents, friends, church, family, politicians, police officers, counselors. None of them could change or save me. I had to want to, then I had to act on that desire and continue to act on it. Liberals mostly told me how I could stop acting on my desire and work the system, or how it wasnt my fault, or what program would help me. Conservatives mostly said “Great job getting this far, don’t give up, keep working at it.” The more success I had, the more conservative I became.
Mom - Not a bit of it was anything other than my fault. You guys were always great to me, I was simply no good at the time. Had you not laid the foundations you did I might not have had the good sense to do something about where I was headed.
Snake Eater - Brother, you did your bit, and I guess we both know that there aint anything we can do about sitting on the sidelines now. I guess we both also know how much that particular knife sticks, even though we can’t do nothin about it, even though it aint our fault, I’d still rather be out there eating an Oatmeal Cookie Bar
with a good squad than here at home drinking a beer.
Nivek,
I don’t know where you have been but I have to question your powers of observation.
[quote=Nivek]
As they went into this, I predicted that they would kill the all volunteer Army as you and I knew it… and they have as if they were right on queue. They are back to taking CAT 4s, they are lowering ASVAB standards, they are not kicking people out for weight and drug problems and they are evening starting to run people through OCS who would not have qualified 1 year ago (Reminiscent of the 90 day wonders). To top it all off, they are now asking to raise the enlistement age to 41.5 years old.
[/quote]
The “All Volunteer” Army has been in danger since the late 80’s. The US Army in particular has had recruiting problems for sometime now.
They have been kicking around the idea of not needing a High School Diploma since 1988 at least. The Army in particular has always had the lowest standards for recruitment of all of the US Serivices. They have been taking “CAT 4’s” for years now. You can look around and see it in the “Common” troops. I shudder when I see some of these sad sacks schlepping around. I’ve been seeing a lot of “Fat Bodies” who are on constant “Profile” on every Army base I’ve been on.
What is the causes? Currently it is the “War”, both in Iraq and Afghanistan. Lets face it, most people do not think that the “Service of Country” and low pay weigh enough to over ride the chance of meeting the golden BB out on a battle front. Sure there was a serge right after 9/11 but that really did not last long.
I’ve seen troops do a year in Iraq… get transferred and end right back there in less than 6 months. But I have not personally met any spouting the shit you are…
G
You are truly inspiring. I cannot identify with any of the things you’ve been through… I have been raised in a home with two wonderful and supporting parents, had the best education, had everything I needed and the majority of what I wanted. But somehow, I saw something in the military that was better than anything else I could dedicate my future to. It was good enough to graduate a year early for and give up being Valedictorian of my class and enough scholarships to cover the majority of my college tuition. Most people think I’ve lost my mind… But somehow the military holds something for those in poverty and those in prominence, and all that are somewhere in between that allows you to give more of yourself and be all that you can be.
Kudos to you.
You are going in my blog roll.
Brian,
This is an example of why I keep coming back to your blog, and will continue to do so.
I ended up at the same place as you, but from the opposite end. I got all the way through college and into grad school, and was being drawn into the feel-good smoke it if you score it, indulgent lifestyle. I’d have ended up as a pseudo-intellectual hippie-wannabe wimp, in fact I was most of the way there already. With no prospect for ever achieving anything, or being anything. General Hershey gave me two choices, enlist or get drafted; and for some reason I chose the honorable way to beat the draft. Oh yeah, I also got an acceptance offer into the Peace Corps - but I couldn’t bring myself to slink quite that low in wartime. Again, the US Army took unpromising material and turned me into a man and then sent me over to Vietnam to confirm it.
These days, instead of taking veterans benefits, I’m trying to pay back to the army “manhood benefits”. And to anyone who’s served honorably -”you’re my brother”.
Essayons!